Spiritual Formation

– therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from which he was taken.  He drove out the man; and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim, and a sword flaming and turning to guard the way to the tree of life. 

Genesis 3:23-24

For years this verse and an image of it haunted my memory.    As an adult I began to question where this image in my mind had come from.  Why was it so clear?  I could see an angel with a flaming sword driving Adam and Eve, cowering in shame and guilt, from the garden.  Was it a famous painting that I had viewed somewhere in a museum?   Was it a plate that I remembered from an art book that I had read?  Whenever I remembered the verse, I always felt the pain of loss that Adam and Eve must have felt as they were being driven from their home, the garden, where they had walked with God. 

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees. 

Genesis 3:8

Although there was no definitive proof that God was in a habit of visiting Adam and Eve to share an evening walk with them, I could not accept that the Lord God, who had created them in his own image and loved them, would have first come to them after they had sinned.  So I could feel their loss.  The pain – as the consequences of their sin crashed down around them.  How desolate they must have felt as they looked over their shoulders to see the gates to the garden close behind them.  My view of sin and all its ramifications were formed around these verses and this image in my mind.  To have God seek us out to take an evening walk suggests closeness, and fellowship.  I always liked to imagine that this happened often, perhaps daily at the time of the evening breeze.  But this time, this time, they hid themselves.  Oh the pain, the shame, the terrible loss they felt.  The terrible loss of intimacy with God.  Sinner that I am, I know that feeling.  I know it all too well. 

But, thanks be to God, we know the rest of the story.  

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, 

so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.  

Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, 

but in order that the world might be saved through him.  

John 3:16-17  

And may I add, walk with God once more in the cool of the evening.  Indeed, thanks be to God.

How central this image has been for my faith formation, and yet I could not place it.  Then in 1998, I walked into my home church following my father’s casket for his memorial service.  It had been a long time since I had walked through those doors.  I had come here almost daily with my parents to worship God, until after eighth grade when I left to begin my seminary training in a Franciscan monastery.  As the procession stopped just inside the doors to the nave, and the priest encircled my father’s casket with incense, my eyes followed the rising smoke and I looked out into the church of my youth, past all the people who had come to say good by to my father and there I gazed at the pew on the right side aisle, two rows from the front, where I had worshiped so many times with my family.  It was our place to encounter God.  As these memories came flooding back, my tear filled eyes looked up above that pew where I had knelt so many times, and there in the wall was a glorious stained glass window – the image that I knew so well.  How could I have forgotten where I had seen it.  

As a young boy I must have sat there for hours gazing at it.  It is no wonder I knew that verse so well.  I knew at a young age what the cost of sin was -- that it alienated us from God.  A God that desires to be in a loving relationship with me.  A God that comes again and again looking for me.  A God that in the end sent His Son to live and die for me.  To live and show me how to live.  And to die to open once more the gates to the garden so that I can once more walk with an all merciful, forgiving and loving God in the cool of the evening for all eternity.  

What a way to start the day ...

Momento, homo, quia pulvis es,

et in pulverem reverteris

Remember, human, that you are dust,

And to dust you will return.

This morning of all mornings I read the following.  It has left me with a lot to ponder. 

Whoever on the medieval day

decided that it had to be ashes

to sign the season, was in touch with death

but he’d forgotten the place of red earth,

remembered in the gut by those who know

dirt mixed with the blood of woman giving birth.

The flesh of one so full of hope cries out,

comes pushing now the growing, wintered well

in her womb, wailing songs of the longing

for life and love and gentleness of green

and a springtime sun to be welcoming

for us, to warm us out of these our tombs

to bid us light and peace and graciousness.

So we are signed with earth – with death and birth.

                                                                                                    Mary Claire van Orsdal

Lent then can be a time of new beginnings,  new birth, renewed efforts, throwing off shackles, closer walks with the Lord.

Carnival

On this Shrove Tuesday, the last day of Carnival, my spiritual readings pointed to the conundrum of life here in the Kingdom as I prepare for my 40 days in the wilderness with our Lord.  I think that both need pondering and a balance sought.

First we hear from the book of Wisdom  -

Come, therefore, let us enjoy the good things that exist, and make use of the creation to the full as in youth.  Let us take our fill of costly wine and perfumes, and let no flower of spring pass us by.  Let us crown ourselves with rosebuds before they wither.  Let none of us fail to share in our revelry; because this is our portion, and this our lot.  Wisdom 2.6-9

And then St. Paul cautions us -

You were taught to put away your former way of life, your old self, corrupt and deluded by its lusts, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to clothe yourselves with the new self, created according to the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.  Ephesians 4.22-24

I am reminded immediately of Proverbs 1 and 2 where we encounter both sides of this issue.  We hear from Lady Wisdom who speaks to us and warns us away from the "adventuress, "  Lady Folly, whose house sinks down to death and her paths to the shades.  Rather, Lady Wisdom offers us silver and hidden treasures.  She builds up her house, while Lady Folly tears her house down with her own hands.  Each attempts to entice us on a different path.  Lady Wisdom to the path of life and Lady folly to the path of destruction.

So my path into the wilderness this year begins with a fork in the road.  Which path will I take?  

The Transformation of a Chicken Coop

In my last entry, I mentioned in passing that I was transforming my chicken coop into an art studio.  This raised a lot of questions with some people.  Those who knew me for the last three years knew that I was an avid backyard chicken farmer.  They knew that I took great delight in sharing fresh eggs from my flock of 15 white Brahma chickens with family, friends and neighbors.  Having been raised in the country, being a chicken farmer seemed like a reasonable endeavor, and with members of my family slowly becoming vegetarians, a source for ‘farm fresh’ eggs was a real plus.

First day in their new run

When it came time to provide my flock with a domicile, I had a brilliant idea. One of my long time dreams after retirement was to build an art studio modeled after the Japanese Teahouse that is at the Botanical Garden in Wilmington, NC.  More than 15 years ago, I had spent an entire day making detailed drawings and taking 100’s of pictures of the teahouse.  I knew that somehow, sometime, somewhere, I would build a replica.  In the ensuing years, the teahouse became a central feature to a much larger landscape design of our front lawn.  The plan all along was to use the teahouse as an art studio.  This then became the inspiration for my chicken coop.  I would build a smaller version, one that would fit within city guidelines for unattached buildings.  This would also allow me to learn some of the building techniques, like wood joinery, that my teahouse required.  It also satisfied my wife’s one requirement for a chicken coop, which was that it had to be “beautiful” if it was going to be in her backyard.  It was that – beautiful.  It was in fact, not a coop at all.  It was a chicken palace.  Without even knowing it my chickens would be living in the most beautiful chicken coop in the entire city of Raleigh, no … the entire state.  But, they never appreciated it.  

The Chicken Coop / Palace

Within ten days of retirement, I was sitting across from a city building inspector with drawings of the tea house/art studio, and the master landscape drawings of my front lawn.  I had all the forms filled out.  I had an electrician and a contractor to dig the foundation all lined up.  The city inspector was impressed with the entire project, but … a permit was denied because “sheds” were NOT permitted in front lawns.  I tried to argue my point that it was not a shed, but she would not budge.

To say the least, I went home entirely defeated.  What was I going to do about an art studio?  The backyard was not big enough for both a chicken coop and a studio.  I pondered this dilemma for several days.  One evening, while sitting out back enjoying a glass of wine, I looked up at my gorgeous chicken palace and I lusted in my heart for it to be an art studio.  Within minutes I had declared eminent domain on my poor, oblivious chickens.  Their time with me was drawing to a close.  Through a mutual friend, my wife made contact with a chicken farmer down in Greenville, NC.  My chickens soon had a new home.  In fact, they are probably much happier living their lives as chickens on a REAL farm.   They had never really adapted to life in a palace where the landowner required them to clean up after themselves and make their beds every day.  

Welcome to my Art Studio

A Trip to Walmart

People ask me all the time "How's retirement going?"  I generally reply that is is going well.  That I am busy doing things  around the house, taking art classes and basically enjoying every day.  I have to admit that I feel rested and my stress level seems to be pretty low, but I had no idea that other things must be going on of which I had no clue.

This afternoon while I was busy transforming my chicken house into an art studio, (and that is an entirely different story), my wife, Ilene, was busy in the kitchen cooking a fantastic braised beef dinner. When she said that the only thing she needed was a little more dry red wine, I immediately volunteered to go off to Walmart and purchase some of their budget Merlot. While there I picked up a couple cans of beer and some other items on our shopping list and headed off to the checkout. As the clerk began to ring me up and I was reaching for my wallet, she looked at me and asked to see my ID. My first reaction was stunned silence. I hadn't been asked that in God only knows how long, and then I looked at her and began to laugh. I told her that I was 66. She didn't smile and politely asked again for my ID. I then felt like I was being stopped for some traffic violation and thought briefly about pulling out my insurance card as well. I wondered for a moment if she was trying to pick me up and was a stalker and needed my address. As I handed her my ID, I thanked her for making my day, my week, the last eternity of my life. I wanted to kiss her, but quickly took control of my senses and realized that that might get me arrested. I can just see the headlines now, RETIRED PASTOR, AN OLD GEASER, WAS ARRESTED TODAY FOR MOLESTATION OF A CLERK AT THE LOCAL WALMART. My only alibi would be that it was all my hairdressers fault, but realized that Ashley would probably take the fifth and not say a word. Besides, my wife would never understand it. So in the end I contained myself and quietly walked out of the store feeling ... oh so good.

Retirement is great. I recommend it for everyone.

Dinner With the Family

Many churches celebrate the feast of The Holy Family on the Sunday after Christmas.  This morning, I found a beautiful picture of the Holy Family on a blog that I frequent, A Concord Pastor Comments.  I find it very interesting in many ways. 

The first thing that strikes me is the age of Jesus.  He looks like a young man about eighteen or so.  We know very little of Jesus’ life with his family.  We think of Jesus, especially at Christmas, as a cute little baby.  We then hear about his presentation in the Temple which according to the Law of Moses takes place forty days after his birth to complete his mother’s ritual of purification after childbirth.  This event was recorded by Luke and then there is silence, until once again Luke relates a family story that takes place when Jesus is twelve.  Mary and Joseph and a large group of their relatives and friends travel to Jerusalem on a pilgrimage following the custom that is part of the Passover celebration.  After several days they begin their return home and only notice that evening when they sit down for dinner that Jesus was not with them.  I often wonder about what Mary and Joseph said to each other when they realize that their young son has been left behind in the city of Jerusalem.  They rush back and after a lengthy search they find him in the Temple in a discussion with the elders who were amazed at his learning, especially given his young age.  He was rightly admonished by Mary, and his only response is a reminder to her that he must be about his Father’s business. 

So, here we have this icon of the Holy Family, by Aidan Hart, showing Jesus as a young man at the dinner table with his family.  I try to picture families today sitting together having dinner with their eighteen year old children and wonder if there are any similarities.    I wonder if Jesus could be asking to be excused to go watch a football game.  Or, head over to a friend’s house to play video games.  Or, run off to the Mall with friends to hang out.  Somehow I doubt it.  I also don’t see a television in the background or any electronics like cell phones or I-pads sitting around the table.  That’s different.   Last week my wife and I went out to dinner and as we waited for our meal to be served, I looked at the couple sitting next to us.  Each was deeply engrossed on their cell phones in whatever it is that can be more satisfying than sitting with someone engaged in a meaningful conversation.  I thought that they might be an anomaly until I looked around and saw several tables where someone was engaged with their phone.  I find this sad.  I find this just another example of the breakdown in our human interaction on a familial level. 

So often when a child is accused of doing something wrong their parents will immediately defend them and say my child would never do that.  I wonder how well some parents know their children.  They don’t talk to one another.  The children lock themselves away in their rooms with televisions, and computers, and smart phones, and the parents are happy that they are quiet and out of their hair.  Out of sight, out of mind.  But when do they talk?  When do they connect?  When do they discuss issues that might be troubling them?  Do they think that it is the teacher’s job, or the school counselor’s job to help their children cope with life's  problems?

One of God’s greatest gifts is the gift of family, where we are placed in an environment of peace, and love, and care for one another.  This is certainly not always the case but it is what God intended families to be like.  Every family has issues and problems of their own.  There are none that are perfect.  I know this on a personal level.  But God calls each family to at least strive toward peace and fulfillment.  To work through their problems whatever they are.  God does not judge a family by its brokenness.  Rather he seeks to find families working together, seeking to heal and reconcile their brokenness.  This is what God calls families to do.

It can start at the dinner table tonight.  Will someone please pass the forgiveness? 

Advent Musings: Conditor Alme Siderum

CREATOR OF THE STARS OF NIGHT

I grew up in the country far beyond city lights.  At night, it was very dark outside.  I can remember on warm summer evenings lying in the grass on our front lawn to gaze up at the stars.  I had not thought of this for a many years.  But a couple of weeks ago, I took our dog for a walk late at night just before going to bed; and as I arrived back home and turned up into the driveway I noticed the moon and one solitary planet rising above the trees behind our house.  With my eyes heavenward, I tried to see other stars but there were too many neighborhood lights to see anything else in the sky.  I missed the stars.  As I lay in bed that evening my mind wandered back to those many evenings in the front lawn where I could gaze up and see entire constellations, and see for myself that the earth was just one of many bodies of matter floating on the rim of the Milkyway.  It made me feel small but at the same time I felt connected to something far greater, far more awesome.  It was humbling.

All of this hit home when I opened my Advent devotional the next morning and read a prayer that I used to chant at evening prayer during Advent while in the Novitiate. 

Conditor alme siderum,

Aeterna lux credentium,

Christe Redemptor omnium,

Exaudi preces supplicum.

Creator of the stars of night,

Your people’s everlasting light,

O Christ, Redeemer of us all,

We pray you hear us when we call.

I knew that the Latin word ‘siderum’ meant more than ‘star.’  Far more.  It included stars but also the sun and moon and planets and all the heavenly constellations and comets and meteors.  The very next stanza speaks to this:

In sorrow that the ancient curse

Should doom to death a universe,

You came, O Savior, to set free

 Your own in glorious liberty.

The ancients thought of these heavenly bodies as living beings.  They could see them move about the heavens.  They knew their cycles of waxing and waning.  They knew that their affects could change the course of human destiny, especially the lives of mariners who confronted the tidal changes of the vast oceans.

Remembering these lines made me think of all those other eschatological texts of scripture where the whole of the created universe responds to the presence of its God; so many of which offered images far more sinister than a star studded evening sky.  The sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give her light, the stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of heaven will be shaken. [Matthew 24.29].  Suddenly this Advent hymn reminded me more of the ‘Dies irae’ sung at every requiem service.

So then, just as the world seems at the verge of extinction the hymn turns to a beseeching prayer.

Come, Sun and Savior, to embrace

Our gloomy world, its weary race,

As groom to bride, as bride to groom:

the wedding chamber, Mary’s womb.

At your great Name, O Jesus, now

All knees must bend, all hearts must bow;

All things on earth with one accord

Like those in heav’n, shall call you Lord.

Come in your holy might, we pray,

Redeem us for eternal day;

Defend us while we dwell below,

From all assaults of our dread foe.

 Just as the world seems doomed to certain extinction, the Sun comes forth in a blaze of light and begins its paschal journey across the whole of human life and experience. 

Since Friday, a week ago, the world does seems doomed to extinction.  As twenty six beautiful lights were extinguished in Newtown, the world seems a darker place.  Twenty of them were children, sweet, innocent children, children with wonder in their eyes, children with lilting voices and infectious laughs, children who were loved, children who had no reason to fear evil.  Until evil came for them. Until the dread foe arrived.  How can the world go on?  How can we survive yet another assault.  If ever we need to hear about the God of Hope, the God who comes, it is now.

I give thanks that this God who we are awaiting this Advent season is a God who is not removed from our sufferings.  The blessing of the incarnation is that we now have a God who has lived a human life.   Our God weeps with us in our pain.  When Jesus went to the tomb of his good friend Lazarus, whom Jesus would soon raise from the dead, he wept. Why? Because he loved Lazarus, as he loved Lazarus's sisters, Mary and Martha.  He understands our loss and our suffering and stands with us.  But this God who weeps also promises us eternal life.  And that is the only comfort that holds us together as we weep with all those families in Newtown.  For our part, we can work to end violence, to console those who remain and to build a more loving society.  Let that be our mission for the new year.